What is grief? If you look up the word grief in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, you are given the following definition: a deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement; a cause of such suffering.
Funny that the definition is not longer for something that is so vast and truly unknown. There are so many that experience grief on a daily basis, and grief looks different on absolutely everyone. You could place a family in a room that has just lost a loved one, and no 2 family members are going to describe their grief as the same. It manifests itself in ways that we would never imagine having to feel. I'm sure that if I were to take a poll about what grief feels like to you, I could get 100s of different answers.
If I were to answer the question, what is grief, this is how I would define it. It is like a wave that over takes you when you least expect it. It takes your breath away in moments of joy when it comes for a fleeting thought. It drowns you as wave after wave tumble upon you. It occupies every ounce of your mind until you can think of nothing else. It eats away at your inner being as if a virus that has taken up host in your body. Grief sucks.
****************************************************************************
Almost 24 years ago, unthinkable tragedy struck our family. On Mother's Day, May 9, 1999, my aunt, Penny Brown, lost her life to a senseless act of violence. This absolutely rocked her small town and surrounding area, and our family was never the same again. She was a devoted wife and mother, a loving daughter and sister, fun aunt, and my godmother. My memories of summers in New York are filled with memories of her. Her smile, her laughter, her love for ice cream, and her hugs. I can still smell the sweet, floral scent of a perfume she wore. Funny how some memories fade away, but others are forever implanted in our core memories.
I remember that Mother's Day night as if it were yesterday. I remember being told about what happened. I remember the flight to New York. I remember everything just being chaos and tears. I remember the visitation. The funeral. The family time. I remember going back to school and my friends asking me questions. I remember that summer we spent in New York, and how it was unlike any other that we had spent there. Some of these, are things that I wish I could forever erase from my memory, but for some odd reason, they are there, and vivid. Constant reminders of what was taken from us; what we lost.
I do not think that there is a day that goes by that I don't think about my aunt, and everything that she has missed over the past 20 years. Weddings, babies, deaths, watching her girls become beautiful women and all of their milestones. Aunt Penny had just delivered her 100th baby as a beloved Nurse-Midwife in the area. Helping women and babies was her passion, and she thrived at it.
It is hard to describe all that she has missed, without saying that we have missed her at every family function, whether it be a dinner, a vacation, a wedding, or welcoming a new baby into the family, which I am positive would have been her absolute favorite thing to do, hands down.
I am quite sure she would have flown down upon hearing about my sweet Evelyn's arrival into our family. You can be certain that she will hear stories about her and know who she was. Since her first days, when she would smile to something beyond me, or babble away to herself, we have asked her if she is talking to her angels? I would like to think that Aunt Penny played a part in keeping sweet E safe for 9 months, and made sure that all the right things happened for E to make it into our arms.
I do not think that in a situation such as this that justice can every truly be served. We cannot be given back our beloved Penny. My cousins will never get back their mom, my mom will never get back her sister. We can only move forward, and keep on living our lives as she would want us to.
The only semblance of justice served was the hope that her killer would spend the rest of his days in a jail cell. He was sentenced 9 years to life with the possibility of parole. This was the maximum sentence at the time for a juveniles convicted of 2nd Degree Murder. Nine years flew by, and he was up for parole for the first time. He was denied. He was denied every 2 years until this fateful February when the New York State Parole Board decided that he would be granted parole. How in the world could someone who has been convicted of murder and sexual assault be allowed to freely walk the streets again? I believe that he lost that privilege when he decided to end my aunt's life.
As a family, it is absolutely horrifying, maddening, frustrating, and sickening that he will be let out. It is like having to live this nightmare all over again.
The parole board has blatantly ignored the victims in this instance. The communities of WNY were rattled by this heinous crime, and should not be subject to him being out.
Our family was given a life sentence when Penny's life was taken. This man has only served a sentence of 24 years. How in the world is this justice? How is this fair? How is this 'ok' by the parole board? The sick irony of it all...he is 39. The same age of Penny when he took her life, without regard for it.
****************************************************************************
Here come the waves...here come the clouds...here comes the grief and anger. One can only hope and pray that someone will come to their senses on that Parole Board, that someone will listen to the pleas of the senators and congressmen, that someone will hear the cries of the communities outraged, and that someone will respect the family and keep him locked up; for good.
****************************************************************************
No comments:
Post a Comment